The weekend is here and It's beautiful outside and it makes me want to be anywhere but here, but thank goodness it's Friday and I'm in a good mood! I'm looking forward to going to my mom's tomorrow and going out with the girl's tomorrow evening.
I found a new xbox game to play, Alan Wake, and I think I'll be playing more of that tonight probably. It's a super creepy, running through the forest with only a flashlight and having poltergeists jump out and attack you and throw huge things at you, type of game. One you don't want to play in the dark. Or alone. I love it! I'll probably get a few dungeon runs in on WoW as well, well, because I'm an addict lol
The only other plans for the weekend is to maybe try and get some cleaning done on Sunday. Oh, and I need to squeeze in some time to go pick up my sewing machine from my sister's too.
Welcome to the Dork Side
Friday, February 25, 2011
Ramblings
(*Please note that this is very random and moody and written over several days. This post shows exactly why I am on happy pills and why I shouldn't let them lapse. I fall into a rut and a depressed mood and write stuff like this over the course of days and don't think to post it. Now that I am in a better mood and my happy pills are back on track and I am looking over my drafts, I could choose to not post this at all, but I feel like sharing today. So enjoy and be warned and my apologies*)
With the mood I'm in as a write this, I have a feeling this is going to be a long, not so warm and fuzzy, post. So just be warned.
We got awesome news about Mitch not having to go thru chemo anymore, but right now the bad outweighs that in my life and it sucks. I am being severely disillusioned with the "American Dream" this morning. I am married, we have a car (but only the one) and a house and we both have stable, good paying jobs. These should be great, wonderful things. So why aren't they? I like having a house that has nothing to speak of wrong with it, but I am really tired of the split entry and the small kitchen, small bathrooms and the laundry being in a bathroom and the yard absolutely sucks and I am so not looking forward to spending another year trying to make it not suck with not enough funds to really make any kind of dent in that fact and neither of us like the location. It makes me sick that the market took such a dive right after we bought and now houses in places I would much rather be are far cheaper and nicer than what we ended up with but we're now stuck because of said dive. We were stupid and bought at the edge of our limit and are now upside down and cannot refinance, streamline or sell. We have good paying jobs but because of the house, we can't afford to do anything extra. We can't afford a second vehicle, we can't afford to go anywhere or do anything super fun. I stress and have anxiety over the thought of just getting my hair cut (even tho I know I can spend the 10 or 20 bucks and be fine) and we both need clothes, how are we supposed to pull that off? If we had stayed in a stupid apartment, none of the extra would even be worth batting an eye at. We could have and buy what we needed and wanted and even put money away! We were doing just that before.
Now? Savings? Whats that? Sure we could get a credit card and live the American Stereotype and have our cake and eat it too, but I can't stand debt or being beholden to anyone. What little bit of debt we have eats at me as it is. I have lived my life this long without owning credit cards, I can live the rest without one too. I have made the mistake of having store cards and paid the price for it. We have three cards right now and no more and one of which I had no choice about, the other two we are good about not keeping a balance. I have an RC Willey card that has nothing on it that I only got it at all to build my credit when I was younger (we have used it to get furniture here and there tho) and Andy has a gas card that we use to improve his credit and pay it off monthly since it's an expense we would have to pay regardless. The other is a care card we got when we had to put my dog down because we had no choice due to no other way to pay his bills. That would not exist if we hadn't purchased a house.
I have also come to realise that I am not a fan of yard work. At least not for a yard that spent so many years being neglected before it came into our hands. Too bad we bought with snow still on the ground and couldn't see the true damage. I think if we had a yard already done and pretty I would have no problems maintaining it. I don't mind mowing or pulling weeds unless I am mowing more weeds than lawn and have more weeds than flowers, not to mention the voles that have swiss-cheesed the back yard. I think it would be easier if I could find someone to till it all up and if we could have sprinklers installed, at least then any seed we put down would have a chance.
Anyway, on top of this I have come back to work after four days off and got hit hard how much I don't like my job right now. It's boring work and I have no one to talk to really. I am surrounded by people I can't relate to very well and who aren't inclined to talk much. I actually wish I could work from home on a regular basis or work part-time, or not at all. Not at all would be nice, I could keep up on all the housework and Andy wouldn't have to worry about any of it and I'd be happy doing it.
So I don't like our house and I don't like my job and now I have come to realise that my dad is absolutely serious about moving. He is selling the farm (no pun intended). It's been in our family for three generations now. My great grandfather built the place (I think). Even tho I get put to work when we get there, it's my get-a-way spot. Andy proposed to me down there. It's always been there! Plus what little relationship I have with my dad will now be even smaller. He's moving out of state. We now have no money to travel. He's never, ever once come to visit me either. What now? No, that's not true. He came up briefly to swap out the locks on the house when we first bought it. But not before and not since. Ever. For that matter, no one comes to just visit us. Sure people come when we have them over for dinner and we throw a party, but no one just voluntarily comes over just to say hi. I wish we still lived close to my sister. Her and I dropped in on each other all the time then. Now we're just too busy and too far away.
When my dad first said he was going to sell, I thought he was just toying with the idea and using it as an excuse to finally go thru stuff, but he is actually getting rid of things. The sewing machine is now at my sister's waiting for us to go get it. The cows are gone, all but the bulls and two beef cows and I was told this morning the fifth wheel is gone. Stuff has been taken off the walls. I have heard he's going to put the machinery up for auction too. He's actually serious! This is very upsetting to me.
I really need some positive in my life. I need good things to come my way. My husband is a bright point on my life and I really need to visit with my mom more. She's a bright point too. I used to go to my mom's every weekend. I got out of the habit when my husband started being frustrated about the frequency (EVERY weekend? he would say lol). I should just go down alone when he is feeling antisocial. I like that we both have a job and I like that we have a roof over our heads. I like our pets and I like our car. I like our families and all our friends. I just need a kick in the pants and a change from the day to day. None of the options to truly change the things I don't like are appealing to me, although I did some more job hunting this morning. It's not very hopeful.
I think I need to seriously go through the other two rooms that need going through with the thought of moving in mind and get rid of as much as possible. We may never move again due to being stuck and fear of ways to get unstuck, but at least things would be ready to go if things get desperate. Going back to an apartment is very unappealing except for the fact that we would have money to put away again and if anything goes wrong it's someone elses problem to fix, and there's no yard work to do....and maybe it's not so unappealing...but I think I'd rather be in a duplex or condo or something similar. A cheaper, smaller house with a smaller yard would be really nice. But can't buy if we can't sell....grrr I hate this economy.
Ooh I just got a bit of good news! My friend Kristie is getting moved to the cubie in front of me! I'll have someone to talk to again! That will make work life a little better anyway.
I really should create a separate blog for my WoW adventures and endeavors because I keep wanting to blog about them but knowing I have many readers that would have no clue what I'm talking about I usually don't.
With the mood I'm in as a write this, I have a feeling this is going to be a long, not so warm and fuzzy, post. So just be warned.
We got awesome news about Mitch not having to go thru chemo anymore, but right now the bad outweighs that in my life and it sucks. I am being severely disillusioned with the "American Dream" this morning. I am married, we have a car (but only the one) and a house and we both have stable, good paying jobs. These should be great, wonderful things. So why aren't they? I like having a house that has nothing to speak of wrong with it, but I am really tired of the split entry and the small kitchen, small bathrooms and the laundry being in a bathroom and the yard absolutely sucks and I am so not looking forward to spending another year trying to make it not suck with not enough funds to really make any kind of dent in that fact and neither of us like the location. It makes me sick that the market took such a dive right after we bought and now houses in places I would much rather be are far cheaper and nicer than what we ended up with but we're now stuck because of said dive. We were stupid and bought at the edge of our limit and are now upside down and cannot refinance, streamline or sell. We have good paying jobs but because of the house, we can't afford to do anything extra. We can't afford a second vehicle, we can't afford to go anywhere or do anything super fun. I stress and have anxiety over the thought of just getting my hair cut (even tho I know I can spend the 10 or 20 bucks and be fine) and we both need clothes, how are we supposed to pull that off? If we had stayed in a stupid apartment, none of the extra would even be worth batting an eye at. We could have and buy what we needed and wanted and even put money away! We were doing just that before.
Now? Savings? Whats that? Sure we could get a credit card and live the American Stereotype and have our cake and eat it too, but I can't stand debt or being beholden to anyone. What little bit of debt we have eats at me as it is. I have lived my life this long without owning credit cards, I can live the rest without one too. I have made the mistake of having store cards and paid the price for it. We have three cards right now and no more and one of which I had no choice about, the other two we are good about not keeping a balance. I have an RC Willey card that has nothing on it that I only got it at all to build my credit when I was younger (we have used it to get furniture here and there tho) and Andy has a gas card that we use to improve his credit and pay it off monthly since it's an expense we would have to pay regardless. The other is a care card we got when we had to put my dog down because we had no choice due to no other way to pay his bills. That would not exist if we hadn't purchased a house.
I have also come to realise that I am not a fan of yard work. At least not for a yard that spent so many years being neglected before it came into our hands. Too bad we bought with snow still on the ground and couldn't see the true damage. I think if we had a yard already done and pretty I would have no problems maintaining it. I don't mind mowing or pulling weeds unless I am mowing more weeds than lawn and have more weeds than flowers, not to mention the voles that have swiss-cheesed the back yard. I think it would be easier if I could find someone to till it all up and if we could have sprinklers installed, at least then any seed we put down would have a chance.
Anyway, on top of this I have come back to work after four days off and got hit hard how much I don't like my job right now. It's boring work and I have no one to talk to really. I am surrounded by people I can't relate to very well and who aren't inclined to talk much. I actually wish I could work from home on a regular basis or work part-time, or not at all. Not at all would be nice, I could keep up on all the housework and Andy wouldn't have to worry about any of it and I'd be happy doing it.
So I don't like our house and I don't like my job and now I have come to realise that my dad is absolutely serious about moving. He is selling the farm (no pun intended). It's been in our family for three generations now. My great grandfather built the place (I think). Even tho I get put to work when we get there, it's my get-a-way spot. Andy proposed to me down there. It's always been there! Plus what little relationship I have with my dad will now be even smaller. He's moving out of state. We now have no money to travel. He's never, ever once come to visit me either. What now? No, that's not true. He came up briefly to swap out the locks on the house when we first bought it. But not before and not since. Ever. For that matter, no one comes to just visit us. Sure people come when we have them over for dinner and we throw a party, but no one just voluntarily comes over just to say hi. I wish we still lived close to my sister. Her and I dropped in on each other all the time then. Now we're just too busy and too far away.
When my dad first said he was going to sell, I thought he was just toying with the idea and using it as an excuse to finally go thru stuff, but he is actually getting rid of things. The sewing machine is now at my sister's waiting for us to go get it. The cows are gone, all but the bulls and two beef cows and I was told this morning the fifth wheel is gone. Stuff has been taken off the walls. I have heard he's going to put the machinery up for auction too. He's actually serious! This is very upsetting to me.
I really need some positive in my life. I need good things to come my way. My husband is a bright point on my life and I really need to visit with my mom more. She's a bright point too. I used to go to my mom's every weekend. I got out of the habit when my husband started being frustrated about the frequency (EVERY weekend? he would say lol). I should just go down alone when he is feeling antisocial. I like that we both have a job and I like that we have a roof over our heads. I like our pets and I like our car. I like our families and all our friends. I just need a kick in the pants and a change from the day to day. None of the options to truly change the things I don't like are appealing to me, although I did some more job hunting this morning. It's not very hopeful.
I think I need to seriously go through the other two rooms that need going through with the thought of moving in mind and get rid of as much as possible. We may never move again due to being stuck and fear of ways to get unstuck, but at least things would be ready to go if things get desperate. Going back to an apartment is very unappealing except for the fact that we would have money to put away again and if anything goes wrong it's someone elses problem to fix, and there's no yard work to do....and maybe it's not so unappealing...but I think I'd rather be in a duplex or condo or something similar. A cheaper, smaller house with a smaller yard would be really nice. But can't buy if we can't sell....grrr I hate this economy.
Ooh I just got a bit of good news! My friend Kristie is getting moved to the cubie in front of me! I'll have someone to talk to again! That will make work life a little better anyway.
I really should create a separate blog for my WoW adventures and endeavors because I keep wanting to blog about them but knowing I have many readers that would have no clue what I'm talking about I usually don't.
Well Being
In our work newsletter that went out today there is a section about well being and it states:
A massive study of people in more than 150 countries shows that five elements are critical to a feeling of well-being: career, social, financial, physical, and community.
“These elements are interdependent. If you’re doing well in one domain but struggling in the others,
our overall well-being is affected,” says Terri Flint, PhD, LCSW, director of employee health for intermountain Healthcare. “I may have good health, but if I hate my job, only the weekends are fun. If I love my job but don’t like my spouse, I hate the weekends. If I have money, but hate my job and my spouse, only shopping is fun.”
Hmmm lets look at my life in these terms then:
Career - boring and not fullfilling
Social - Good friends and family and love my husband
Financial - In the dumps, no extra means no fun and lots of stress
Physical - Chunky, tired, and hurting, but working on improving that
Community - No sense of it at work, only know one set of neighbors at home, and barely that, even tho we've lived there for three years.
No wonder I'm in a rut, 1.5 points out of 5 sucks.
Went job hunting again and can't find anything appealing or worth the pay cut. Discussed safe ways to get out of our house again, can't really think of any. Discussed the pros and cons of walking away. Is keeping the finacial stress worth it over ruining our credit we worked so hard to get clean? On the other hand, walking away and going back to a cheaper place would aleviate the finacial stress and open up possibilities of improvement in the career and community sections. I don't know why owning a house was so important and appealing to me now. Neither of like yard work and neither of us are very handy and we have no extra to take care of the place anyway. Life was simpler and we were both happier in an apartment. What a concept.
(Please note this was written yesterday and forgot again to post and I have been off my pills for a few days waiting for the refill. I got them refilled and I think they are kicking in again cause re-reading over this post I realise again why I am on them :) Don't worry, I am felling better and really don't want to walk away from our house, I still have complaints about it but thats all)
A massive study of people in more than 150 countries shows that five elements are critical to a feeling of well-being: career, social, financial, physical, and community.
“These elements are interdependent. If you’re doing well in one domain but struggling in the others,
our overall well-being is affected,” says Terri Flint, PhD, LCSW, director of employee health for intermountain Healthcare. “I may have good health, but if I hate my job, only the weekends are fun. If I love my job but don’t like my spouse, I hate the weekends. If I have money, but hate my job and my spouse, only shopping is fun.”
Hmmm lets look at my life in these terms then:
Career - boring and not fullfilling
Social - Good friends and family and love my husband
Financial - In the dumps, no extra means no fun and lots of stress
Physical - Chunky, tired, and hurting, but working on improving that
Community - No sense of it at work, only know one set of neighbors at home, and barely that, even tho we've lived there for three years.
No wonder I'm in a rut, 1.5 points out of 5 sucks.
Went job hunting again and can't find anything appealing or worth the pay cut. Discussed safe ways to get out of our house again, can't really think of any. Discussed the pros and cons of walking away. Is keeping the finacial stress worth it over ruining our credit we worked so hard to get clean? On the other hand, walking away and going back to a cheaper place would aleviate the finacial stress and open up possibilities of improvement in the career and community sections. I don't know why owning a house was so important and appealing to me now. Neither of like yard work and neither of us are very handy and we have no extra to take care of the place anyway. Life was simpler and we were both happier in an apartment. What a concept.
(Please note this was written yesterday and forgot again to post and I have been off my pills for a few days waiting for the refill. I got them refilled and I think they are kicking in again cause re-reading over this post I realise again why I am on them :) Don't worry, I am felling better and really don't want to walk away from our house, I still have complaints about it but thats all)
Long Weekend
We just got done with a four day weekend. We didn't have any money to really go and do anything so we mostly just stayed home and played wow and xbox games a lot. Saturday we hung out with Jason and Elizabeth and had a blast. We always have so much fun with them I wish we could get together more often, but they are really busy and it seams to work out that if they are free, we are busy and vice versa. We went out for cheap sushi and then back to their place for some games and tv. We had a great visit and lots of good laughs.
I didn't get anything productive done except laundry and the budget and Andy got some dishes done. We were very lazy. I wish I had gotten more things done around the house, but I just didn't have the energy or motivation. I have been a bit down and just can't shake it. It's really bad this morning.
(Note: I wrote this days (Wednesday I think) ago and just realised I never posted it)
I didn't get anything productive done except laundry and the budget and Andy got some dishes done. We were very lazy. I wish I had gotten more things done around the house, but I just didn't have the energy or motivation. I have been a bit down and just can't shake it. It's really bad this morning.
(Note: I wrote this days (Wednesday I think) ago and just realised I never posted it)
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Good News
Sunday I got a bit of a cleaning bug and went thru the little room upstairs that has become our catch-all and is really just full of junk. I went through the entire room and came up with three bags of trash and four or five boxes to put in recycling. I left a pile to go thru for DI and a pile of papers that need to be shredded as well but I ran out of energy about then. I got the budget done and then dug into the tax stuff. We're actually going to get a return this year which is wonderful. We can now get a much needed (and far over due) dishwasher and catch up some on Chewy's remaining bill. I'm going to try and squeeze in some new clothes for us both too. It's still not the great amount that everyone told us we would get once we got a house but it's much better than the nothing we got last year.
Monday was a draining day. Sunday night Mitch had four bad seizures in the night. Andy's mom called late in the night and we both woke up full of worry and anxiety so we called in and headed for the hospital. Thank goodness he was already there so he didn't have to take another ambulance ride. He was in and out of consciousness all day and just weak and miserable and hurting from head to toe. We were there to support mom as much as Mitch, she was just drained. We were in and out of the room all day and after Mike and Anne got there and visited for a bit we all decided to go to lunch and get Lew out for a while. It was a nice lunch and about the only bright spot of the day. So that was how we spent our Valentines.
Tuesday I woke up in a foul mood and was super depressed all day. I was in a horrible funk and just couldn't shake it. I was emotional and worried about Mitch really bad. And then I started worrying about everything under the sun and it just made for a bad day. Tuesday evening tho we got a call from Lew again and she said Mitch got a new doc and he was going to do a new evaluation on him and decide benefits over risk of continuing. Finally!
Yesterday was a bit more hopeful and a better day. I went out to lunch with my sister and some friends to Mimi's Cafe and it was oh so good and great company. I had really yummy baked salmon. Its kind of funny, but I did some temp work at my sister's work several years ago and got to know a few people there and then when I started my current job, I got to know April and found out she used to work at my sister's work so we all get together from time to time for lunch. We need to do it more often tho. And by the end of the day we got a call that this new doc was going to stop Mitch's chemo! That's the best news ever! His cancer wasn't terminal but the chemo was surely going to be. Mitch has had seizures and has had his heart stop and his airway close up and has had thrush and mouth and digestive tract sores and hasn't been able to eat or drink hardly anything since it started. He's lost a lot of weight and has been so weak he can hardly do anything for himself, it's about time someone official takes notice. Don't know if they'll start it up again later, but for now he can recover and get better again. This has been such a trial for him and the family. It's so sad and sickening how many people have to go thru this.
Today has been a good day so far other than stabbing myself in the finger this morning making lunch. I really shouldn't play with knives, especially not super sharp ones. Oh well, one more scar to add to my left hand LOL. I cut up a baked chicken breast and made a chicken sammich and grabbed a big carrot to go with it for lunch. I have been super proud of myself and this diet. It's been really easy for me this time. Heavy, greasy foods just don't sit well anymore and sugar gives me bad reflux and heartburn so it's been easy to drop them and it's been easy to eat less for whatever reason. I have a nice app on my phone that I can keep track of what I've eaten as well as calories, carbs, fat, and protein and how much water I've had for the day. I put in some goals and it tells me a min and max of what I can have in a day and makes it easy to decide what to eat. I've lost five pounds now and am already feeling better and haven't even started an exercise routine yet! I want to start water aerobics again with Denise and start walking me and the dog again once it's warmer. As an added bonus, I've been diligent enough to inspire my husband and he's going to join me. Yay!
We had another big storm last night and can I just say that I am tired of the winter storms? Super cold, 90 mph winds and several inches of icy snow. Where is spring? My tulips have started pushing up and everything! So ready for it to be warmer. Although that means yard work needs to start again and I'm not too sure I'm ready for that lol.
Andy and I went for sushi for dinner. It's become a favorite for both of us. We found a great place with cheap prices and it's on the way home. Not really a good thing LOL. But, if you don't get california rolls or rolls with a lot of sauce, sushi is actually really cheap calorie, carb, and fat wise which is great! I'm on a diet and can still eat one of my favorite foods! Yay!
Monday was a draining day. Sunday night Mitch had four bad seizures in the night. Andy's mom called late in the night and we both woke up full of worry and anxiety so we called in and headed for the hospital. Thank goodness he was already there so he didn't have to take another ambulance ride. He was in and out of consciousness all day and just weak and miserable and hurting from head to toe. We were there to support mom as much as Mitch, she was just drained. We were in and out of the room all day and after Mike and Anne got there and visited for a bit we all decided to go to lunch and get Lew out for a while. It was a nice lunch and about the only bright spot of the day. So that was how we spent our Valentines.
Tuesday I woke up in a foul mood and was super depressed all day. I was in a horrible funk and just couldn't shake it. I was emotional and worried about Mitch really bad. And then I started worrying about everything under the sun and it just made for a bad day. Tuesday evening tho we got a call from Lew again and she said Mitch got a new doc and he was going to do a new evaluation on him and decide benefits over risk of continuing. Finally!
Yesterday was a bit more hopeful and a better day. I went out to lunch with my sister and some friends to Mimi's Cafe and it was oh so good and great company. I had really yummy baked salmon. Its kind of funny, but I did some temp work at my sister's work several years ago and got to know a few people there and then when I started my current job, I got to know April and found out she used to work at my sister's work so we all get together from time to time for lunch. We need to do it more often tho. And by the end of the day we got a call that this new doc was going to stop Mitch's chemo! That's the best news ever! His cancer wasn't terminal but the chemo was surely going to be. Mitch has had seizures and has had his heart stop and his airway close up and has had thrush and mouth and digestive tract sores and hasn't been able to eat or drink hardly anything since it started. He's lost a lot of weight and has been so weak he can hardly do anything for himself, it's about time someone official takes notice. Don't know if they'll start it up again later, but for now he can recover and get better again. This has been such a trial for him and the family. It's so sad and sickening how many people have to go thru this.
Today has been a good day so far other than stabbing myself in the finger this morning making lunch. I really shouldn't play with knives, especially not super sharp ones. Oh well, one more scar to add to my left hand LOL. I cut up a baked chicken breast and made a chicken sammich and grabbed a big carrot to go with it for lunch. I have been super proud of myself and this diet. It's been really easy for me this time. Heavy, greasy foods just don't sit well anymore and sugar gives me bad reflux and heartburn so it's been easy to drop them and it's been easy to eat less for whatever reason. I have a nice app on my phone that I can keep track of what I've eaten as well as calories, carbs, fat, and protein and how much water I've had for the day. I put in some goals and it tells me a min and max of what I can have in a day and makes it easy to decide what to eat. I've lost five pounds now and am already feeling better and haven't even started an exercise routine yet! I want to start water aerobics again with Denise and start walking me and the dog again once it's warmer. As an added bonus, I've been diligent enough to inspire my husband and he's going to join me. Yay!
We had another big storm last night and can I just say that I am tired of the winter storms? Super cold, 90 mph winds and several inches of icy snow. Where is spring? My tulips have started pushing up and everything! So ready for it to be warmer. Although that means yard work needs to start again and I'm not too sure I'm ready for that lol.
Andy and I went for sushi for dinner. It's become a favorite for both of us. We found a great place with cheap prices and it's on the way home. Not really a good thing LOL. But, if you don't get california rolls or rolls with a lot of sauce, sushi is actually really cheap calorie, carb, and fat wise which is great! I'm on a diet and can still eat one of my favorite foods! Yay!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Guilt
I got very little sleep Sunday night - my brain would not shut off going over what we had sent to DI that dad might actually still use. I woke up yesterday morning still thinking about it. It made for a ho hum day. To add to it, we only got to be home for about an hour after work when we got a panicked call from Andy's mom. Mitchell was on his way to the ER by ambulance.
We packed up and headed out. When we got there he was out cold and hooked up to everything and still being worked on. Apparently he had had three seizures, was unconscious and had been for a while and had stopped breathing for a bit, they had to use the bag on him to help him breath. Mama Lew was beside herself but I think if it were my kid I would have been a lot worse. She's a strong woman. I lost it a little seeing him all hooked up to stuff and watching his monitors. He was really red and his arms were all purple splotchy. He finally started coming around a little while after we got there and they moved him to the PICU. His blood pressure stayed low and they couldn't give him any water. That's all he could think about, his mouth was so dry. That would be miserable. His heart rate finally dropped down and he was pretty stable other than his pressure being low when we left. They think it was caused from an infection, his white blood cell count had made a huge jump just from that morning. They'll know more later.
Now tho, I am wracked with guilt and it has made for a blah day today and the day lasted forever. Last year my sister's medical problems came to a head and it was killing her. She was in and out of the ER and the hospital for almost six weeks and I never made it out to visit and be there for her and I have felt guilty ever since. As I was watching them work on Mitch, that's all I could think about. I have been feeling like one of the worst daughters ever and today I feel like the worst sister ever. I was not there for her and I should have been. I am so thankful that she has been able to turn around and treat her condition and that she is healthy and strong today. I am so sorry Stacie. I love you dearly.
We packed up and headed out. When we got there he was out cold and hooked up to everything and still being worked on. Apparently he had had three seizures, was unconscious and had been for a while and had stopped breathing for a bit, they had to use the bag on him to help him breath. Mama Lew was beside herself but I think if it were my kid I would have been a lot worse. She's a strong woman. I lost it a little seeing him all hooked up to stuff and watching his monitors. He was really red and his arms were all purple splotchy. He finally started coming around a little while after we got there and they moved him to the PICU. His blood pressure stayed low and they couldn't give him any water. That's all he could think about, his mouth was so dry. That would be miserable. His heart rate finally dropped down and he was pretty stable other than his pressure being low when we left. They think it was caused from an infection, his white blood cell count had made a huge jump just from that morning. They'll know more later.
Now tho, I am wracked with guilt and it has made for a blah day today and the day lasted forever. Last year my sister's medical problems came to a head and it was killing her. She was in and out of the ER and the hospital for almost six weeks and I never made it out to visit and be there for her and I have felt guilty ever since. As I was watching them work on Mitch, that's all I could think about. I have been feeling like one of the worst daughters ever and today I feel like the worst sister ever. I was not there for her and I should have been. I am so thankful that she has been able to turn around and treat her condition and that she is healthy and strong today. I am so sorry Stacie. I love you dearly.
Long Day
Andy didn't think I'd do it, but saturday morning I got us up just after 7:00am and we were out the door around 8:00. We headed to my dad's to pick up a sewing machine and help go thru some stuff. It didn't rain and it didn't snow and it actually turned into a nice day. The drive down was nice except for a huge stretch of construction that has everyone squished into two lanes and they have barricades right up to the lines at the sides. That part was a bit nerve racking for me. Getting stuck next to the wall with a huge semi on the other side of you is scary. Something goes wrong and there is literally no where to go and you'd be screwed. Once past that tho it was a lovely drive.
When we got down there we found out that everyone was at the only place to get food in town, The Cowboy Corral, and so we turned around and headed over. It was great to finally meet Nancy, she's a hoot! We all had a little to eat and a good visit and then we headed to the farm. It was amazing to see the kitchen so clean! The table was clear and there was nothing under it. You could even get around to the other side of it! All the counters were clean and the sink and stove too (very embarrassed to admit that my dad's kitchen is now far cleaner than mine). The bathroom and bedroom were also clean and tidy, but the rest of the house will take some time. We hadn't been there long at all when Nancy shooed us into the middle room and pointed to two piles and told us to go thru them. Stacie and I had the impression that they had already been gone thru and just needed to be sorted. We found out later they had not. It was kind of fun at first because going thru anything in that house is a huge no-no and we had permission, but as we got going we both got weirded out by it. Dad poked his head in the room here and there but stayed out until he found something in the garbage that he thought shouldn't have been tossed. They were just some old manuals for things he didn't even have anymore, but he got mad all the same. I happened to be outside, but Stacie got yelled at. I decided to stay out for a while. I am an adult but I am still very intimidated by my dad sometimes. I am still afraid of getting hit. Still cower when he raises his voice. I should be beyond it, but I'm not. I don't like that about myself.
Anyway, Nancy got him calmed down and she and Stacie got him to sit down and go thru all the papers and what trash piles had not yet been taken out and burned (there's no trash service down there) and by the end of it, the room and all been gone thru but a few suitcases and drawers and looked tons better than when we started. There ended up being about five or six bags of DI stuff and there were a few things that ended up in those bags that shouldn't have and Stacie ended up going thru them and finding what dad wanted to keep. Stacie took several bags of stuff home and I took one. Kenton mostly stayed out keeping the incinerator going and burning the trash we brought out, but him and Becca played in the play house too. Andy mostly stayed in the living room or entertained Becca when she was inside. She was such a good little girl all day!
We also went thru his two deep freezers and completely cleaned out the one upstairs and a good portion of the one down. Kenton helped with both and Andy helped with the one downstairs. We threw some out and each took a big cooler of meat home. We were out of steaks and roasts so it's nice to get some more of those. We didn't get much meat for 2009 and none last year and this year may be the last that he even has cows on the property, so we may not ever have home raised meat again. That makes me sad but it will be good for him to not have to take care of the cows anymore. They have just gotten too much for him.
At the end of the day Stacie and I and been on our feet pretty much the whole day and everyone else a good portion of the day and we were all sore, dusty and exhausted. And I didn't get the sewing machine. It was buried and dad said that we needed to go thru everything on it before I could take it. I was hoping that had been done before we got there. I'll have to get it next time. Before we left tho we went over to the next town and had a nice dinner together.
The drive home we uneventful until we got to the construction again. I don't know why, I have never been a nervous passenger, or driver for that matter, maybe it was the exhaustion and stress, but that construction set me on edge and had my heart racing. There were a few times it felt like Andy was right up on the bumper of the car ahead (but probably wasn't) and that the semis and walls were way too close. I actually had to shut my eyes a few times. We ended up not getting home until about 10:30pm. Thank goodness we have awesome friends, Denise came over and let the dog out several times and even stayed a while so she could have some peace and quiet lol.
Now if I could just get rid of this horrible guilty feeling I have had since we got home I'd be good. I guess next time we'll have to make dad sit and go thru things with us even if it's too hard for him. We would have this time if we had known he hadn't gone thru the piles first.
I was so incredibly sore Sunday morning. I stayed in my jammies and played WoW all day. I did get the laundry washed, but had Andy carry the baskets and I didn't fold any of it. I have started leveling my druid again and am just loving the character. My hunter is getting left behind on the gear front, but that's okay. We didn't get to play them this weekend, but we created new toons that we are playing with Dan, Denise, and Tony and they have been lots of fun to play too. I'm glad we are all playing again.
When we got down there we found out that everyone was at the only place to get food in town, The Cowboy Corral, and so we turned around and headed over. It was great to finally meet Nancy, she's a hoot! We all had a little to eat and a good visit and then we headed to the farm. It was amazing to see the kitchen so clean! The table was clear and there was nothing under it. You could even get around to the other side of it! All the counters were clean and the sink and stove too (very embarrassed to admit that my dad's kitchen is now far cleaner than mine). The bathroom and bedroom were also clean and tidy, but the rest of the house will take some time. We hadn't been there long at all when Nancy shooed us into the middle room and pointed to two piles and told us to go thru them. Stacie and I had the impression that they had already been gone thru and just needed to be sorted. We found out later they had not. It was kind of fun at first because going thru anything in that house is a huge no-no and we had permission, but as we got going we both got weirded out by it. Dad poked his head in the room here and there but stayed out until he found something in the garbage that he thought shouldn't have been tossed. They were just some old manuals for things he didn't even have anymore, but he got mad all the same. I happened to be outside, but Stacie got yelled at. I decided to stay out for a while. I am an adult but I am still very intimidated by my dad sometimes. I am still afraid of getting hit. Still cower when he raises his voice. I should be beyond it, but I'm not. I don't like that about myself.
Anyway, Nancy got him calmed down and she and Stacie got him to sit down and go thru all the papers and what trash piles had not yet been taken out and burned (there's no trash service down there) and by the end of it, the room and all been gone thru but a few suitcases and drawers and looked tons better than when we started. There ended up being about five or six bags of DI stuff and there were a few things that ended up in those bags that shouldn't have and Stacie ended up going thru them and finding what dad wanted to keep. Stacie took several bags of stuff home and I took one. Kenton mostly stayed out keeping the incinerator going and burning the trash we brought out, but him and Becca played in the play house too. Andy mostly stayed in the living room or entertained Becca when she was inside. She was such a good little girl all day!
We also went thru his two deep freezers and completely cleaned out the one upstairs and a good portion of the one down. Kenton helped with both and Andy helped with the one downstairs. We threw some out and each took a big cooler of meat home. We were out of steaks and roasts so it's nice to get some more of those. We didn't get much meat for 2009 and none last year and this year may be the last that he even has cows on the property, so we may not ever have home raised meat again. That makes me sad but it will be good for him to not have to take care of the cows anymore. They have just gotten too much for him.
At the end of the day Stacie and I and been on our feet pretty much the whole day and everyone else a good portion of the day and we were all sore, dusty and exhausted. And I didn't get the sewing machine. It was buried and dad said that we needed to go thru everything on it before I could take it. I was hoping that had been done before we got there. I'll have to get it next time. Before we left tho we went over to the next town and had a nice dinner together.
The drive home we uneventful until we got to the construction again. I don't know why, I have never been a nervous passenger, or driver for that matter, maybe it was the exhaustion and stress, but that construction set me on edge and had my heart racing. There were a few times it felt like Andy was right up on the bumper of the car ahead (but probably wasn't) and that the semis and walls were way too close. I actually had to shut my eyes a few times. We ended up not getting home until about 10:30pm. Thank goodness we have awesome friends, Denise came over and let the dog out several times and even stayed a while so she could have some peace and quiet lol.
Now if I could just get rid of this horrible guilty feeling I have had since we got home I'd be good. I guess next time we'll have to make dad sit and go thru things with us even if it's too hard for him. We would have this time if we had known he hadn't gone thru the piles first.
I was so incredibly sore Sunday morning. I stayed in my jammies and played WoW all day. I did get the laundry washed, but had Andy carry the baskets and I didn't fold any of it. I have started leveling my druid again and am just loving the character. My hunter is getting left behind on the gear front, but that's okay. We didn't get to play them this weekend, but we created new toons that we are playing with Dan, Denise, and Tony and they have been lots of fun to play too. I'm glad we are all playing again.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Saint Eggbert
So it's been a while. I've been lazy and there hasn't been much to say. The last several weeks have been your normal run-of-the-mill, not-much-happening, life. There were a few things here and there worth blogging about, but like I said, I've been lazy. Friends have been talked to, family has been visited, wow has been played, books have been read, movies have been watched, good food has been eaten, pets have been laughed at, work has been done, cleaning has been sorta done. I am not the world's greatest house keeper, but at least the place isn't a sty.
Andy's brother was in the hospital once again. He got a septic blood infection and at one point his blood pressure dropped so low half his heart quit. They had to restart it. Very scary stuff. We went and visited him and he is weak and miserable and wants to be done and I can't blame him. I can't wait for this to all be done either, no one should have to go thru what he's going thru. He's home again now and hopefully will be able to stay home until his next treatment this time. Cancer sucks balls.
On a happier note, my dad is making some changes in his life that I am not all together how to feel about, but I think it will all be good and for the best in the end. He's going thru all his stuff and we are going down tomorrow for a few things he's getting rid of. I've been needing and wanting a sewing machine for a while now but wasn't wanting anything fancy as I only need it to make simple repairs and for the fact that I really have no clue how to properly use one. I have used one, but only a few times. Anyway, my dad is giving me my grandma's machine. I don't know how old it is or anything about it, but he says it works and that's all I really care about. It will be nice to have something of hers too. He's got a new lady friend and I'm excited to meet her. She seems really nice and it sounds like she knows how to handle him and will be good for him. He needs that. It's supposed to snow tho and I'm not looking forward to making such a long trek in the snow. 160 miles or so of white knuckle driving can really get to ya. Hopefully even if it does snow it won't be too bad. We haven't been to the farm in a very long time and I'm excited to go down again. It's only a day trip this time tho so it will be a long, quick trip. Once it's warm we'll go down again for the weekend a time or two before he's done with what he's doing I'm sure. I wish we could take out dog tho, it would be easier and she loves it down there where she can just run all over, but dad doesn't like her so she stays home. Our friends will come and let her out several times for us while we're gone tomorrow.
I've decided to start counting my calories and watching what I eat again. I've only gained 10 pounds back from my last endeavor which isn't too bad and not all that I lost for once. Once it's warmer I'll start walking too, the dog and I both need that. I haven't taken Lily on a good walk since the last time we went camping. Poor thing. So far not doing real well on the calories, but the end of the week and a mixed up up-coming weekend is a bad time to start, so I'll just do the best that I can today and tomorrow and really go for it starting Sunday.
I was hungry as we were getting ready for bed last night so I decided to fry me up an egg. Andy was teasing me for it and was saying I can't believe you used one egg that could have gone in better things! (just being totally silly) I told him that it did go in a great thing, my belly! (Have I told you how much I love eggs?) It gave it itself to a great cause. He asked if it enjoyed it and I said it did, it was a martyr. We both started laughing and he said, "Saint Eggbert, he gave the yolk of his soul!" and we went on and on about Saint Eggbert, the patron saint of Humpty Dumpty, and I even had to draw a picture. I'll post it once I take a picture of it. We laughed and giggled and were so silly last night. I love that we can be so silly together and get each other laughing so hard. It's wonderful! We were up way too late tho cause we couldn't calm down and go to sleep LOL
Andy's brother was in the hospital once again. He got a septic blood infection and at one point his blood pressure dropped so low half his heart quit. They had to restart it. Very scary stuff. We went and visited him and he is weak and miserable and wants to be done and I can't blame him. I can't wait for this to all be done either, no one should have to go thru what he's going thru. He's home again now and hopefully will be able to stay home until his next treatment this time. Cancer sucks balls.
On a happier note, my dad is making some changes in his life that I am not all together how to feel about, but I think it will all be good and for the best in the end. He's going thru all his stuff and we are going down tomorrow for a few things he's getting rid of. I've been needing and wanting a sewing machine for a while now but wasn't wanting anything fancy as I only need it to make simple repairs and for the fact that I really have no clue how to properly use one. I have used one, but only a few times. Anyway, my dad is giving me my grandma's machine. I don't know how old it is or anything about it, but he says it works and that's all I really care about. It will be nice to have something of hers too. He's got a new lady friend and I'm excited to meet her. She seems really nice and it sounds like she knows how to handle him and will be good for him. He needs that. It's supposed to snow tho and I'm not looking forward to making such a long trek in the snow. 160 miles or so of white knuckle driving can really get to ya. Hopefully even if it does snow it won't be too bad. We haven't been to the farm in a very long time and I'm excited to go down again. It's only a day trip this time tho so it will be a long, quick trip. Once it's warm we'll go down again for the weekend a time or two before he's done with what he's doing I'm sure. I wish we could take out dog tho, it would be easier and she loves it down there where she can just run all over, but dad doesn't like her so she stays home. Our friends will come and let her out several times for us while we're gone tomorrow.
I've decided to start counting my calories and watching what I eat again. I've only gained 10 pounds back from my last endeavor which isn't too bad and not all that I lost for once. Once it's warmer I'll start walking too, the dog and I both need that. I haven't taken Lily on a good walk since the last time we went camping. Poor thing. So far not doing real well on the calories, but the end of the week and a mixed up up-coming weekend is a bad time to start, so I'll just do the best that I can today and tomorrow and really go for it starting Sunday.
I was hungry as we were getting ready for bed last night so I decided to fry me up an egg. Andy was teasing me for it and was saying I can't believe you used one egg that could have gone in better things! (just being totally silly) I told him that it did go in a great thing, my belly! (Have I told you how much I love eggs?) It gave it itself to a great cause. He asked if it enjoyed it and I said it did, it was a martyr. We both started laughing and he said, "Saint Eggbert, he gave the yolk of his soul!" and we went on and on about Saint Eggbert, the patron saint of Humpty Dumpty, and I even had to draw a picture. I'll post it once I take a picture of it. We laughed and giggled and were so silly last night. I love that we can be so silly together and get each other laughing so hard. It's wonderful! We were up way too late tho cause we couldn't calm down and go to sleep LOL
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