I heard something that struck me funny on the radio on the way in to work this morning. Dear God, if there is a God, save my soul if I have a soul. I chuckled at that. You're preying but you are unsure about everything?
Once I decided to stop caring about what my boss thinks, things have been less stressful for me. I know that's kind of callus and not a good way to think, but at the moment it's that or quit. I'll try this first. I quit caring about anything but how I feel about what I have done at the end of the day and now I have a better outlook about my job. I may still get fed up and quit at some point, but for now I just want to get my work done and keep my groups and sales happy. If I feel that I did what I could thru the day, I'll call it a good day and that's that.
So we have had our friend Tony from California staying with us since just before New Years and it has been fun. It's nice to have someone else in the house to talk to. That's not to say I don't enjoy talking with my husband, we have some wonderful conversations, it's just nice to have another person around sometimes. He is going back home this weekend and I'm a little sad about that. He plays wow too so we still get to "hang out" with him and talk to him, but it's not the same as him being here. Andy has been trying to get him to move back here, but I'm not sure he will. We told him since most of his stuff was still at our house, that he just as well move in here if he's worried about a place if he decides to come back. We have his couches and his bedroom set, although we are using his dressers and I'm not so sure I want to give those back LOL.
I have actually been cooking a bit more lately. It's odd. I'm not that great of a cook and I've never really had a desire for it, but I've been in the mood lately. I've hit a point that I am tired of all the grab and go stuff and tired of spending all our money on it to and I've come to the conclusion that Andy had lost his desire too. I bought him new knives and he has talked about it more, but so far hasn't done much. Last week I cooked up a really awesome tin foil dinner with steak, red potatoes, onion and carrots in it. I mixed up a dry ranch dressing mix and some dry garlic bread mix into some butter and put that in there for season after salt and peppering everything and it turned out delicious! Later in the week I made a goulash but I put carrots in that too and it just wasn't as good. It thru off the texture so I don't think I'll do that again, but I wanted to use up the rest of the carrots. Tonight I'm in the middle of making enchiladas. I cheat a little and mix up a hamburger helper cheesy enchilada mix and use that for the stuffing. I roll it into the tortillas and then cover them in enchilada sauce and cheese and put them in the oven. It's yummy, can't wait until they are done!
The weekend was nice, I worked Saturday since I am behind and we are still allowed overtime. I decided I'll take advantage of that while it's available until I'm caught up. We were really lazy the rest of the weekend and didn't do much. Sunday, the boys went over to Dan's and played games all day so I had the house to myself almost the whole day and I really enjoyed it. I don't get me time very much (and that's fine by me) but when I do I do enjoy it. I managed to get all the laundry and done and folded! That's a feat for me lately. I finished cleaning up from last weekend's party (I know, we're lazy) and didn't do much else except what I wanted to do. It was great. We were going to go to Andy's mom's house on Saturday but she ended up not feeling well. I was wanting to go to my mom's but we all decided it was a bit late to go down after that. Maybe this coming weekend. I miss my mom and need some time with her. Love you mom!
Welcome to the Dork Side
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Above and Beyond...
***Warning*** this is a rant. I am not a happy camper!
My boss pulled me into an appointment today to discuss my performance and production. She sent the appointment early in the day, scheduled for late in the day. I immediately started having anxiety. We are at the tail end of the busiest time of the year for my department and my boss loses it every year by the end and I know a few facts that are unfairly stacked against me before I even go that I have a feeling will be brought up. One, a few of my coworkers have been working 16 hour days, I call them the golden children, and I haven't. Second, two people worked these crazy hours while sick, I got sick and called in as you should and I simply could not physically work. Third, there are only two people that do what I do and the other person is faster than me, simple as that.
So I go to this appointment and am told that great potential is seen in me, but do I think I did my all, my best during open enrollment? Let's see, I voluntarily skipped all my breaks and all my lunches for the last month. I did 10 and 12 hour days and always, always put in more hours than was required with the exception of last week due to calling in sick. I did all my most important files within record time (I did them each within a day instead of the two or three days it took me last year), and I kept sales happy. I think that's pretty damn good. Apparently I was mistaken. How come I didn't work 16 hour days like the crazies did? How come I couldn't work thru being sick like the crazies? My question is, if she wanted us to work 16 hour days, why didn't she require us to work 16 freaking hour days? My home life is great and work is NOT, nor never will be my entire life, nor do I think it should be. Just because a couple people that have crappy home lives decided they felt like running themselves ragged does not mean I deserve to be compared to them. HR, HUMAN RESOURCES, states to not work while sick. It gets others sick and spreads disease. I have a head cold, I could not think to make full sentences let alone do my job. I had body aches, I couldn't sit on the couch let alone at my desk. I slept almost the entire time I was home! I would have been useless at work.
How come I did not get my personal groups done and all my follow up caught up so I could help with the paper groups like my coworker did that does the same thing as me? She has worked there longer. She is more experienced. He groups might have been smaller and less complicated than mine. I get a LOT of direct phone calls. All day. I get direct emails from someone in sales that if I don't take care of immediately, She emails everyone to let them know I screwed up. I don't know if this happens to her or not, but it sure interrupts my day on awful lot. I have some very "loud" groups that can get hairy and complicated and I usually have to deal with them several times before it's done. In the coarse of all this I got behind on non urgent emails and my regular weekly files. I did not touch the paper groups because I simply have not gotten thru all of my work yet. The response to this: I don't think you're a team player Stef. I don't think you understand what is expected of you, and I don't think you're putting your all out there. Does she understand the load I have? Does she understand that I just took on half of a another coworker's work because she quit? Oh but that doesn't matter because this other person did too, and they did more than you. It's just not right to compare one employee to the next like that, everyone works differently even of they are doing the same thing. I learned that very quickly when I was a supervisor.
Then she asked what I expected to do in my job, what I expected to get out of my job, do I like my job, am I happy in my job and on and on. No I am not entirely happy in my job. I have been made to be isolated, I have come to felt picked on, I have been made to feel like dirt and I really don't like several of the people I work near.. The last several appointments with my boss have all been negative. I have felt like I work in a hostile work environment for almost a year especially after watching the other supervisor get away with unjustly attacking and forcing a fellow employee to quit. And she was a friend. One of the few I seem to have at work right now. It sucked. I really like what I do, and I feel I do it well, but constantly being accused of things that simply aren't true is really wearing on me.
My boss has made it VERY apparent that she does not trust any of her employees (except the brown nosers) and she treats us all like children. She told me today too that my coworkers all think she favors me. Um, really? Seriously? How can they possibly feel that way? I certainly do not feel favored, far from it! But now I wonder if she made that up to get some sort of reaction out of me like she made up the phone team complaining about me. I talked to them after she told me that and none of them knew what I was talking about. Such bull.
I really, really wish we hadn't bought a house. I would feel safe flat out quitting. Finding a job is scary. Not to mention I would probably end up with one clear across the valley and we cannot afford another car. So here I am, coughing, eyes watering, throat hurting, voice cracking, contemplating going in tomorrow. I pushed myself today and yesterday to go like I guess I should have done when this first hit me last week. I'm seething. I am also contemplating going to HR with a complaint. How dare she dress me down for not doing enough when I did far more than what was asked of me and working my ass off and calling in sick just one day.
Oh and she got mad at me for getting defensive with her too. How the hell was I supposed to react to accusations like that? And then she told me that I shouldn't stay up late. Lady, I AM NOT your kid. What I do at home is my own damn business and how dare you say anything about it unless it effects my job, which it hasn't! And then she tried to be all chummy with me. pfft.
Is going to HR worth that fight?.....
My boss pulled me into an appointment today to discuss my performance and production. She sent the appointment early in the day, scheduled for late in the day. I immediately started having anxiety. We are at the tail end of the busiest time of the year for my department and my boss loses it every year by the end and I know a few facts that are unfairly stacked against me before I even go that I have a feeling will be brought up. One, a few of my coworkers have been working 16 hour days, I call them the golden children, and I haven't. Second, two people worked these crazy hours while sick, I got sick and called in as you should and I simply could not physically work. Third, there are only two people that do what I do and the other person is faster than me, simple as that.
So I go to this appointment and am told that great potential is seen in me, but do I think I did my all, my best during open enrollment? Let's see, I voluntarily skipped all my breaks and all my lunches for the last month. I did 10 and 12 hour days and always, always put in more hours than was required with the exception of last week due to calling in sick. I did all my most important files within record time (I did them each within a day instead of the two or three days it took me last year), and I kept sales happy. I think that's pretty damn good. Apparently I was mistaken. How come I didn't work 16 hour days like the crazies did? How come I couldn't work thru being sick like the crazies? My question is, if she wanted us to work 16 hour days, why didn't she require us to work 16 freaking hour days? My home life is great and work is NOT, nor never will be my entire life, nor do I think it should be. Just because a couple people that have crappy home lives decided they felt like running themselves ragged does not mean I deserve to be compared to them. HR, HUMAN RESOURCES, states to not work while sick. It gets others sick and spreads disease. I have a head cold, I could not think to make full sentences let alone do my job. I had body aches, I couldn't sit on the couch let alone at my desk. I slept almost the entire time I was home! I would have been useless at work.
How come I did not get my personal groups done and all my follow up caught up so I could help with the paper groups like my coworker did that does the same thing as me? She has worked there longer. She is more experienced. He groups might have been smaller and less complicated than mine. I get a LOT of direct phone calls. All day. I get direct emails from someone in sales that if I don't take care of immediately, She emails everyone to let them know I screwed up. I don't know if this happens to her or not, but it sure interrupts my day on awful lot. I have some very "loud" groups that can get hairy and complicated and I usually have to deal with them several times before it's done. In the coarse of all this I got behind on non urgent emails and my regular weekly files. I did not touch the paper groups because I simply have not gotten thru all of my work yet. The response to this: I don't think you're a team player Stef. I don't think you understand what is expected of you, and I don't think you're putting your all out there. Does she understand the load I have? Does she understand that I just took on half of a another coworker's work because she quit? Oh but that doesn't matter because this other person did too, and they did more than you. It's just not right to compare one employee to the next like that, everyone works differently even of they are doing the same thing. I learned that very quickly when I was a supervisor.
Then she asked what I expected to do in my job, what I expected to get out of my job, do I like my job, am I happy in my job and on and on. No I am not entirely happy in my job. I have been made to be isolated, I have come to felt picked on, I have been made to feel like dirt and I really don't like several of the people I work near.. The last several appointments with my boss have all been negative. I have felt like I work in a hostile work environment for almost a year especially after watching the other supervisor get away with unjustly attacking and forcing a fellow employee to quit. And she was a friend. One of the few I seem to have at work right now. It sucked. I really like what I do, and I feel I do it well, but constantly being accused of things that simply aren't true is really wearing on me.
My boss has made it VERY apparent that she does not trust any of her employees (except the brown nosers) and she treats us all like children. She told me today too that my coworkers all think she favors me. Um, really? Seriously? How can they possibly feel that way? I certainly do not feel favored, far from it! But now I wonder if she made that up to get some sort of reaction out of me like she made up the phone team complaining about me. I talked to them after she told me that and none of them knew what I was talking about. Such bull.
I really, really wish we hadn't bought a house. I would feel safe flat out quitting. Finding a job is scary. Not to mention I would probably end up with one clear across the valley and we cannot afford another car. So here I am, coughing, eyes watering, throat hurting, voice cracking, contemplating going in tomorrow. I pushed myself today and yesterday to go like I guess I should have done when this first hit me last week. I'm seething. I am also contemplating going to HR with a complaint. How dare she dress me down for not doing enough when I did far more than what was asked of me and working my ass off and calling in sick just one day.
Oh and she got mad at me for getting defensive with her too. How the hell was I supposed to react to accusations like that? And then she told me that I shouldn't stay up late. Lady, I AM NOT your kid. What I do at home is my own damn business and how dare you say anything about it unless it effects my job, which it hasn't! And then she tried to be all chummy with me. pfft.
Is going to HR worth that fight?.....
Monday, January 3, 2011
New Year
Had another busy week of overtime and being sick and not getting as much done at home as we would have liked. I stayed home Wednesday and left early Thursday due to illness and went home and slept a good portion of the evening away and our friend Tony made it in from California Thursday and made it safe despite the bad weather. He'll be staying with us for just over two weeks. We had a green Christmas but have had snow and bad storms all week after, go figure.
Friday was party day. We had Denise coming over early to decorate for Dan's 40th birthday and he was under the impression that it was just a simple New Year's Eve party. Andy and I did a bunch of cleaning and prep early in the day and then I helped Denise get the family room decorated. Andy and Tony made a couple of trips to the store for various things and again for for forgotten things. The boys had run to the the liquor store and I knew there would be alcohol but we had some people over that we hadn't ever had over for a party before and there ended up being a lot more there than I expected. I think I will forever and always be nervous about having large quantities of alcohol and people getting drunk at my house, but no one got totally wasted and overall it was a really fun party. We had pizza and goodies and snacks and we all had some really good laughs and good conversation and later Rockband was brought out and that was a blast. Dan was totally surprised by us celebrating his birthday and we were all up late enjoying the good company. That was the first NYE party that we didn't actually play any board games and I found that weird and a bit disappointing but it was still tons of fun. It was a very loud and boisterous night and my voice was gone by the end from the strain and the fact that I still had a cold.
The rest of the weekend was a very lazy one. Saturday we stayed in our jammies and played WoW all day. Yesterday we went to lunch and a movie (we saw Tron and it was pretty good but felt unfinished) and then got together with Dan and Denise to exchange the last of the Christmas gifts. They brought goodies and Andy made us all dinner and I think we all liked what we gave each other. Andy got another new hat and Denise is finishing up a cross-stitch bag for me to keep all my in-progress stuff in and gave me a new pattern to work on. It's really pretty and I can't wait to get going on it. I also can't wait to see my new bag done, she still has a little to get done on it so I had to give it back. But now do I start on the new one or get the one I am currently working on done first? It's so nice to have such wonderful friends.
Now, way too soon, it is Monday once again. I haven't had a voice all weekend, but I finally have it back, although a bit froggy still. I have been facing nothing but problems and interruptions today tho and it has been a true lesson in patience. Too bad I'm running low. Still haven't heard if I have to work over time this week, I sure hope we don't I don't know if I can handle another long week.
Friday was party day. We had Denise coming over early to decorate for Dan's 40th birthday and he was under the impression that it was just a simple New Year's Eve party. Andy and I did a bunch of cleaning and prep early in the day and then I helped Denise get the family room decorated. Andy and Tony made a couple of trips to the store for various things and again for for forgotten things. The boys had run to the the liquor store and I knew there would be alcohol but we had some people over that we hadn't ever had over for a party before and there ended up being a lot more there than I expected. I think I will forever and always be nervous about having large quantities of alcohol and people getting drunk at my house, but no one got totally wasted and overall it was a really fun party. We had pizza and goodies and snacks and we all had some really good laughs and good conversation and later Rockband was brought out and that was a blast. Dan was totally surprised by us celebrating his birthday and we were all up late enjoying the good company. That was the first NYE party that we didn't actually play any board games and I found that weird and a bit disappointing but it was still tons of fun. It was a very loud and boisterous night and my voice was gone by the end from the strain and the fact that I still had a cold.
The rest of the weekend was a very lazy one. Saturday we stayed in our jammies and played WoW all day. Yesterday we went to lunch and a movie (we saw Tron and it was pretty good but felt unfinished) and then got together with Dan and Denise to exchange the last of the Christmas gifts. They brought goodies and Andy made us all dinner and I think we all liked what we gave each other. Andy got another new hat and Denise is finishing up a cross-stitch bag for me to keep all my in-progress stuff in and gave me a new pattern to work on. It's really pretty and I can't wait to get going on it. I also can't wait to see my new bag done, she still has a little to get done on it so I had to give it back. But now do I start on the new one or get the one I am currently working on done first? It's so nice to have such wonderful friends.
Now, way too soon, it is Monday once again. I haven't had a voice all weekend, but I finally have it back, although a bit froggy still. I have been facing nothing but problems and interruptions today tho and it has been a true lesson in patience. Too bad I'm running low. Still haven't heard if I have to work over time this week, I sure hope we don't I don't know if I can handle another long week.
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