Above and Beyond...

***Warning*** this is a rant.  I am not a happy camper!

My boss pulled me into an appointment today to discuss my performance and production.  She sent the appointment early in the day, scheduled for late in the day.  I immediately started having anxiety.  We are at the tail end of the busiest time of the year for my department and my boss loses it every year by the end and I know a few facts that are unfairly stacked against me before I even go that I have a feeling will be brought up.  One, a few of my coworkers have been working 16 hour days, I call them the golden children, and I haven't.  Second, two people worked these crazy hours while sick, I got sick and called in as you should and I simply could not physically work.  Third, there are only two people that do what I do and the other person is faster than me, simple as that.

So I go to this appointment and am told that great potential is seen in me, but do I think I did my all, my best  during open enrollment?  Let's see, I voluntarily skipped all my breaks and all my lunches for the last month.  I did 10 and 12 hour days and always, always put in more hours than was required with the exception of last week due to calling in sick.  I did all my most important files within record time (I did them each within a day instead of the two or three days it took me last year), and I kept sales happy.  I think that's pretty damn good.  Apparently I was mistaken.  How come I didn't work 16 hour days like the crazies did?  How come I couldn't work thru being sick like the crazies?  My question is, if she wanted us to work 16 hour days, why didn't she require us to work 16  freaking hour days?  My home life is great and work is NOT, nor never will be my entire life, nor do I think it should be.  Just because a couple people that have crappy home lives decided they felt like running themselves ragged does not mean I deserve to be compared to them.  HR, HUMAN RESOURCES, states to not work while sick.  It gets others sick and spreads disease.  I have a head cold, I could not think to make full sentences let alone do my job.  I had body aches, I couldn't sit on the couch let alone at my desk.  I slept almost the entire time I was home!  I would have been useless at work.

How come I did not get my personal groups done and all my follow up caught up so I could help with the paper groups like my coworker did that does the same thing as me?    She has worked there longer.  She is more experienced.  He groups might have been smaller and less complicated than mine.  I get a LOT of direct phone calls.  All day.  I get direct emails from someone in sales that if I don't take care of immediately, She emails everyone to let them know I screwed up.  I don't know if this happens to her or not, but it sure interrupts my day on awful lot.  I have some very "loud" groups that can get hairy and complicated and I usually have to deal with them several times before it's done.  In the coarse of all this I got behind on non urgent emails and my regular weekly files.  I did not touch the paper groups because I simply have not gotten thru all of my work yet.  The response to this:  I don't think you're a team player Stef.  I don't think you understand what is expected of you, and I don't think you're putting your all out there.  Does she understand the load I have?  Does she understand that I just took on half of a another coworker's work because she quit?  Oh but that doesn't matter because this other person did too, and they did more than you.  It's just not right to compare one employee to the next like that, everyone works differently even of they are doing the same thing.  I learned that very quickly when I was a supervisor.

 Then she asked what I expected to do in my job, what I expected to get out of my job, do I like my job, am I happy in my job and on and on.  No I am not entirely happy in my job.  I have been made to be isolated, I have come to felt picked on, I have been made to feel like dirt and I really don't like several of the people I work near..  The last several appointments with my boss have all been negative.  I have felt like I work in a hostile work environment for almost a year especially after watching the other supervisor get away with unjustly attacking and forcing a fellow employee to quit.  And she was a friend.  One of the few I seem to have at work right now.  It sucked.  I really like what I do, and I feel I do it well, but constantly being accused of things that simply aren't true is really wearing on me. 

My boss has made it VERY apparent that she does not trust any of her employees (except the brown nosers) and she treats us all like children.  She told me today too that my coworkers all think she favors me.  Um, really?  Seriously?  How can they possibly feel that way? I certainly do not feel favored, far from it!  But now I wonder if she made that up to get some sort of reaction out of me like she made up the phone team complaining about me. I talked to them after she told me that and none of them knew what I was talking about.  Such bull.

I really, really wish we hadn't bought a house.  I would feel safe flat out quitting.  Finding a job is scary.  Not to mention I would probably end up with one clear across the valley and we cannot afford another car.  So here I am, coughing, eyes watering, throat hurting, voice cracking, contemplating going in tomorrow.  I pushed myself today and yesterday to go like I guess I should have done when this first hit me last week.  I'm seething.  I am also contemplating going to HR with a complaint.  How dare she dress me down for not doing enough when I did far more than what was asked of me and working my ass off and calling in sick just one day.


Oh and she got mad at me for getting defensive with her too.  How the hell was I supposed to react to accusations like that?  And then she told me that I shouldn't stay up late.  Lady, I AM NOT your kid.  What I do at home is my own damn business and how dare you say anything about it unless it effects my job, which it hasn't!  And then she tried to be all chummy with me.  pfft.

Is going to HR worth that fight?.....