My Journey to Atheism - Part 4

With the realization that heaven is not real, everything else became unstable.  I had started calling myself an agnostic. If heaven isn't real, how can religion be real?  The whole point and promise of religion is heaven.  It is beaten into our heads from the beginning.  Be a good person, don't sin, do what you are told, follow all the teachings and you will be rewarded in the afterlife.  If that promise cannot be fulfilled, then what's the point?

Once this thought entered my head, I couldn't get rid of it.  It was there to stay and it grew and grew.  My beliefs finally toppled like a house of cards that caught a breeze.  And then, it hit me, and saddened me, and depressed me, if heaven isn't real, and religion is a lie...then so is God.  My whole world unraveled and I started the grieving process that my husband had only recently went thru. I now understood.

In the course of all of this I found documents and old newspapers from when the church was new, and personal accounts and videos people have posted from current days.  Not all of what the church does or stands for is bad, the church, and the people in it, do a lot of good things, but I think it's based on falsehoods. I have learned that Joseph Smith wasn't what he was always said to be.  I have read numerous accounts of him not being upfront with people, even his wife, and especially his followers   The church encourages it's members to only read "church approved" material and church history.  Their is a reason for this, the truth is out there.  If you want to look into some of this, this thread on reddit is incredibly useful.

I now know why my husband left the church.  I no longer wanted to be a part of it all either.  I feared telling my family, but for some reason I was able to freely tell my friends.  At Christmas, I finally told my sister after my husband steered the conversation there and I had little choice.  I finally told my mom about three months ago.  Three and a half months ago, I put in my request to resign and talked to my bishop.  A few weeks ago, I received my confirmation letter.  I am no longer a Mormon. I am an atheist.