My husband and I weren't sure what we wanted out of life when we first got married. We were both unsure where we wanted to go in the church but knew our families wanted us to go to the temple and that the church expected that of us. Early in our first year together, we decided we needed to try to go to church as much as we could and try to get some direction and maybe end up in the temple where we should be. We happened to be living within my sister's ward which made it easier to get started. The ward is a great ward and we met lots of really great people. We went pretty consistently for quite some time, but then we looked at each other one Sunday as we were getting ready and asked each other if we really wanted to go, and we decided not to. This lead to lots of talks between us and we both decided we didn't really care if we went to the temple nor to church, so we quit going and life was good and back to normal.
This worked out great until about two years or so ago, give or take. My wonderful husband said to me one night, "I'm not sure if the church is true. I'm not sure if I believe in God."
This rocked my world. I had no idea what to make of it. How could you not believe in God? The church is true, I've been told my whole life it's true. How can it not be true? We had lots of discussions and life got mostly back to normal for a bit, but we had more angry and uncomfortable conversations than we've ever had in our marriage during those following months, but some really good, deep ones too, but then, he dropped another bomb on me. He wanted to leave the church. What?!?! How can this be? What do you mean? I don't remember all my thoughts and fears from the time, but I know I thought about the afterlife a lot. How on earth could we be together when we die if he isn't LDS? What is this going to do to us? How will this work? I flipped out! I remember a lot of yelling, and tears and lots of hurt and we just don't do that to each other. I remember hitting the kitchen floor in a stupor at one point, and bawling and crying for hours, not sure what to do, what to say, how to deal with it. Thoughts of divorce went through my head and what would I do then? This is the love of my life, and I was considering leaving him. I remember him coming to me in the kitchen and holding me and somewhere in those many, many hours, it hit me. I don't go to church. I don't want to go to church. I don't like church. Why the hell would I give up the best thing that has ever happened to me for something I have never made a big part of my life? Why give up my happy life because of what someone else tells me is right? I decided as long as he could still accept me for who I am, I could still accept him for who he is, and I would have to wrap my head around this new husband of mine. He sent in his papers and he was no longer Mormon or a believer. My husband is an atheist. He went through a lot during this process and I supported him and stood by him, and helped him as much as I could, all the while trying to understand, but seeing him become a calmer, happier, more stable person than he had ever been since I met him at the same time. I watched him go through all the psychological stages: confusion, depression, anger, acceptance and all the ones in between, just as if he had lost someone or something catastrophic had happened to him. I now know that that is almost exactly what happened. He went through the grieving process.
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